I woke up this morning with many thoughts in my head, thoughts that have been racing through my mind for weeks now. I had been so tired last night but my sleep was plagued with dreams and memories of Christmas' past. No, I'm not Scrooge and I wasn't visited by 3 ghosts! The dream that was in the forefront of my mind was a memory of a Christmas many, MANY years ago when I was just a child. I couldn't have been more than 6 or 7 years old. Me and my brother wanted a Nintendo for Christmas so bad. We had been SO good and asked Santa for one and I was sure he would be bringing one for us! A few days before Christmas, our house was broken in to and when we were surveying the damage (mostly in my moms bedroom) there was our Nintendo on the bedroom floor, not stolen, but out for everyones eyes to see. My mom quickly rushed us out but I had a question! "Why do you have a Nintendo in your room for yourself?" I asked my mom. I was very confused, was she not going to share it OR was it really for us? Her response to me was a cool as a cucumber, "Well Melissa, Santa is so busy this time of year and he drops off gifts here for me to wrap up for him. He lets me know if you've been good and if you have, they go under the tree." I was determined for the next few days to be extremely good! But that's how my mom was. She didn't let a little burglary phase her. She continued on and made Christmas a really special time for us, like she always did. She may have been panicking on the inside but she never showed it!
The holidays are a difficult time. I hear so many of my friends with their child-like excitement about the impending holiday and I feel so jealous, I just can't muster up the same excitement. My whole first 30 years of existence were celebrated one way and last year was hard enough with my mom being so sick but at least she was there, this year she is not. Every little thing about the holiday is wrapped up in my moms memory. She always made it something to look forward to. I think about all the bustling and stress we put ourselves under to have the "perfect" holiday. It can't be made perfect. What makes the holiday perfect and magical is the time you spend making memories with your family and loved ones. You can look back next year and laugh and say "Remember when.....".
This year we are making new memories and traditions. At first I was reluctant but at some point last week I opened myself up to it and it is quite enjoyable so far. There is just one missing piece and I am hopeful that She is watching down on me wiping away my tears when they come, wrapping me up in a big Christmas hug and wishing me a Merry Christmas.
I wonder if they set up a tree in Heaven? If they didn't before my mom arrived, I'm sure they do now! She probably talked them in to putting it up mid November! I hope she is enjoying the holiday with those that we have lost along the way that she hasn't been able to celebrate with for a long time. Merry Christmas Momma!
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