2012 is about to draw to an end. I've been reflecting on the closure of this year and the welcoming of a new year for many days now. Today I scrolled through the Facebook news feed and there they were, post upon post of gratitude for what the past year has brought people and new hope for 2013. I can't help but think to myself, "2012 brought me grief, loss, stress, anxiety, depression, and a hole in my heart I don't know that I will ever be able to fill." However, 2012 did bring me new friendships, new experiences and successes as well. I suppose I have been stuck reflecting on the fact that my world has changed so much and was rocked so extremely hard with me left wondering how do I go on? I am proud of the success and it hasn't been all gloom and doom (we didn't die in the Mayan apocalypse after all!) but the majority of the days, I went through the motions as opposed to actually living.
I became curious about the traditional "ring in the New Year" song, Auld Lang Syne, today. So, I googled it! It turns out the poem that the song originated from was written by none other than the fabulously Scottish, Robbie Burns! After reading what is thought to be the original wording of the poem I reflected even MORE but it brought a strange peace to me. It basically reads (to me, and I am no literary genius at all!) that even though we may have hurts, lost loves, etc we should move forward to focus on the good while remembering the past but not letting it define us. Maybe I'm off...if I am please don't tell me because for the first time since before Christmas I feel like I can move forward in to 2013 with a little bit of hope. Hope that my heart will stop hurting, I won't cry at EVERY new episode of Parenthood, I won't get a tummy ache from anxiety, and I will miss my mom but focus on the good memories instead of the things I wish I hadn't said.
I was listening the radio before Christmas and they were talking that you should set 5 goals for the new year because then there is a good chance you will stick to at least one. I know it is SO cliche to set a New Years resolution and that we seldom stick to them OR even remember what they are come February but I am hoping that by setting the following goals for myself and putting it out there in the universe, I will have people to hold me accountable to them and not let me forget. I am hoping to achieve all of them in 2013....
In 2013...
*I will work a lot less and enjoy life a lot more.
*I will do at least one spontaneous thing each week with out letting my mind (or anxiety) talk me out of it.
*I will erase the clutter from my life. This includes but is not limited to the clutter I hold on to in my house, storage unit, closet, AND emotional clutter.
*I will stop making excuses and actively live a healthier lifestyle. I will stop saying, "I know, I know" and start actually DOING!
*I will forgive myself for things I can't change and stop continually punishing myself for the mistakes I have made.
*I will focus solely on the happy memories I have of my mom and remember that no matter what I ever did or the trouble I ever caused her, she forgave me and loved me in spite of it all.
*I will forgive others and let go of the resentment I have held on to in these situations. It only creates trouble for me, no one else!
I realise those are 7 lofty goals but I have 12 months and so do you :) Happy New Year! May 2013 bring you all the things you hope and dream for!
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