It's funny how we remember specific dates. Dec. 25th....well that is Christmas, Nov. 11th....Remembrance Day, Friday the 13th....that's bad luck, Sept. 11th....a day our world changed forever. It's funny how certain dates strike a memory for us all. We all remember where we were and what we were doing when Princess Diana died or Michael Jackson. Similarly, I will forever remember ever single detail about July 13th, 2011....also known as the day I found out my mom had 9-12 months left to live.
I've been thinking about her so much lately. I'm not sure if it is just that these dates bring back memories or if it is the sudden on set of Summer. She lived for weather like this. A calm, sunny day in her kayak on the lake, that was her most favorite thing in the whole world. Last summer she was too weak and sick to go out all that much. I just get so sad when I think about it. It isn't fair that we experienced all of our "lasts" together in the past year. It most certainly isn't fair that her 9-12 months was cut short...she only lived for 7 months after that timeline was given. I am constantly burdened by thoughts of conversations we meant to have or things we meant to do but just didn't have time for. I would give anything just for one more day. I could say all I wanted to say, do whatever we wanted to do and not worry about a thing. I suppose we all wish for that.
The bottom line is, I just miss my mom. I miss her standard voicemail's "Hey Meliss, its mom, not a big deal, give me a call when you have a chance." I laughed because everytime she left a message...it was always the same one. I'm thankful for my iPhone and its ability to save deleted voicemails. I have a chance to hear it whenever I want to! There is one other thing, I cry when I think about...my mom had a nick name for me...I hated it, but I always let her call me it. She was the only one that was allowed to and I miss it, a lot.
I will be thinking about her tomorrow on the anniversary of our very first trip to the Cancer clinic together and the traditions we started to try and help each other through it. I may even stop at a Shell station for a root beer and a crispy crunch...but not the one in Mill Bay! xo Momma.....boogedy ;)
I was just thinking about you yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI will never forget the time of year when my mom was given 2 - 3 months. She ended up living 5 but it was 5 months of hell. She did get to see my niece being born so I grateful for that.
Are you still going to Hospice? I have not been in a while but I am coming unhinged again so I have made an appointment. I am really missing Reiki.