Have you ever sat for 20 minutes and taken note of all of the thoughts that come in to your head? Neither had I really...until I had a lot of awake hours on my hands. I've always had many thoughts per second...almost "squirrel" like :) I've never taken the time to pay much attention until now. So that is what this post is all about, random thoughts from my head! Enjoy :)
BUT, before I put you all to sleep with my random thoughts, a little update from our den...Momma bear is doing great! It was an odd / challenging few days BUT I think we finally have it just right for awhile. With this most recent round of radiation behind us, the perfect cocktail of pain medications AND banana flavoured antibiotics for the most RANDOM infection ever, mom is in pretty good spirits! Yesterday, after our adventure to the doctors office in which we found out poor momma's immune system is so low she has gotten thrush in her mouth and throat (most common as a baby OR to those with weakened immune systems), momma bear and I received Reiki treatments from the hospice volunteer that came. I believe it helped her find calmness and swept away some of the negative cancer energy, because today she is doing much better! It certainly relaxed the energy in the house for a small period of time, which I was grateful for and mom slept like a log! I was skeptical but even I, as high strung as the doctors keep telling me I am, found calm for 20 minutes or so! And so began my 24 hour random thought marathon!
It seems that my life and everything about it has changed...but strangely stayed the same. I just find myself having to adjust in the world differently now. Maybe I have changed but life still goes on around me like normal. However, I now take notice of things I never used to because I don't know when I will see it again or hear it again or smell it again or think it again. Bringing us to....
Random thought #1: Regret - If today was your last day on earth, would you have any regrets? I used to think yes, I would have several regrets. I have learned though that what I held on to as regrets are simply BAD (sometimes VERY bad) mistakes. I know these things aren't regrets because I have grown from them and learned something and taken responsibility for them. Sure I wish most of them never happened, but if they didn't happen, I wouldn't be where I am today or learned some of the things I have learned. I believe that a mistake and a regret are two very different things. That being said, I would regret a few things that I haven't done yet, those things I keep putting off until tomorrow. Well, what if tomorrow doesn't come for me? Or for you? Or for your spouse, your child, your mother, your best friend? Are you willing to live in eternity (whatever you believe that is for you) or the rest of your days on here on earth knowing we never had lunch together just one last time, we never went to see that movie, we didn't take that trip we always wanted to, you never started the career you always dreamed of, you didn't tell someone you loved them before you hung up the phone, you never ran the marathon you kept saying you would, you never tasted what pasta was like in Italy, you never snorkeled with those elusive green sea turtles in Hawaii? Oh the list could go one for all of us. The truth is, we will probably all have regret's that we can't control because they involve situations that are OUT of our control. I think though that perhaps we all should take a bit more time and evaluate what is really important to us, create a bucket list of sorts with the intention to do one thing off of it each day (or week depending on how lofty the item is). Someday something will happen that is out of our control and will take something important from us. When that day comes I know I want to be able to say that I have very few regrets (maybe none at all!), I saw what I wanted to, loved whom I wanted to, spent time with those I wanted to, swam with those darn sea turtles, conquered my fear of WHATEVER and lived a content and happy life. Embrace the present moment and stop letting your hopes, dreams, wants, etc. be swept under the rug to find some other day! I have a new favorite song that goes along with this concept. Its called "One Life" by Hedley...check it out! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=masmCmLPyxw
A friend of mine who has come to be of great support posted a story on the facebook page I created last week. It was about her dad getting sick and eventually passing away. She spoke about how she had recently asked her mom if she had ever felt lonely while caring for her dad and her mom had replied, "Every day." This was close to my heart because I too feel this feeling almost daily. Bringing me to...
Random thought #2: Loneliness - why is it that the simple act of being by yourself is so scary? Hmmm....maybe (and I'm taking a guess) it's because we weren't programmed to be by ourselves. Adam had Eve, on the arc each animal had a partner, Tom had Jerry, He-man had Sheera, Pooh had piglet, the ninja turtles had that Master Splinter rat guy, Bonnie had Clyde, Pinky had "the Brain", wine has cheese (I just wanted to see if you were still paying attention!!). It certainly is nice to hear laughter and voices in a house at the end of a trying day OR the end of a happy one! Its nice to know that there is someone else in this world that would notice if you were 5 minutes late, or celebrate your joys with you, wipe your tears when you cry, or hold your hand when you're scared. When you don't think you can make it through, it is the reassurance from your loved ones that gives you the strength to dig inside yourself and carry on. I believe we (or maybe just me) are afraid to be alone because we aren't meant to be. Surround yourself with people who will be your cheerleaders, not your cheer-stealers! Allow them to be there for you, support you, and help you! This is advice I need to follow myself :)
My last random thought came from a quote on the page marked "January 11th" on my moms bedside calendar.
Random thought #3: Self doubt - why don't we think we are good enough? Here it is...
"You see the woman across the room, and you think, she's so poised; she's so together. BUT she
looks at you and you are the woman across the room for her." ~Diane von Furstenberg~
I just don't know on this one. I continuously say or put out to the universe that I'm amazing or act as though I'm the bravest, toughest, bestest person out there. In actual fact, I'm a scared little bunny intimidated by everyone out there! So, when I read this quote it hit me, if we all think that...I guess maybe other people aren't that scary after all?? We'll see how that pans out for me! It's something to think about though!
Goodnight everyone! Hug your loved ones and make sure you tell them that you love them as you tuck them in to bed tonight! xoxoxo
Great thoughts, Melissa!
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