Today is a rather troubling day. I have so many thoughts and feelings and I need to get them out, so you all get to hear them!
Today began unlike most days. I hadn't set my alarm because my mom normally wakes me up in the mornings but today she didn't. We slept in! Not only had we slept in BUT we had slept for 8 hours straight. What a difference sleep makes! It felt weird to me, like the universe was off or something. As I began my morning routine - breakfast, coffee, coffee, shower, more coffee - I was troubled to hear about 2 children who were sent to heaven by a house fire in the community of Lantzville early this morning. The children, the same age as my nephews, did not deserve this nor did they see it coming I'm sure. They probably fell asleep last night thinking about what their day would bring tomorrow. I have found myself bugged by it all day. It brings about so many emotions for me in an already sensitive week. I guess all I can say is just love your kids and love them hard! Love your family, your friends, your co-workers HARD! I am not a parent, however, this is one more example to me of where life's priorities should lie. Is it necessary to carry around unpleasant stresses such as a problem at work or a silly fight with someone...NO...don't waste your time with negative bits from your day or gossip or drama. These things are like cancer to our souls. LOVE HARD for, as this fire proved today, it could all be gone in mere moments.
I also met up for a quick coffee today at the Buzz with an old friend from high school. We have randomly been in and out of each other's lives recently, mostly through our professions. As I began to share my tale with everyone on Facebook, we realized we shared some common ground. I never realized how people can be brought together by things. All of us kids that face the threat of losing a parent or step parent OR have lost a parent or step parent are brought together and have an unspoken understanding for one another. No one can quite understand what it is like until you've been down that winding road. She, like a lot of people I know (and some I don't know!), have been keeping up with my ramblings right here on this very blog. Well today as we shared a quick visit, a few laughs and a fabulous cup of coffee, she showed me an example of this understanding. A random act of kindness. She had given a gift to me and my mom, a gift card for roast chicken and mashed potatoes from Swish Challet...with a take out menu..."they deliver!" She happily told me. Her generosity and kindness mean more than anything. Thank you, thank you, thank you is all I can say to her! And I know she is reading ;) I now will explain the significance behind the roast chicken and mashed potatoes but please, no judgements! When I was younger my mom used to always ask us what we wanted for our birthday dinner. Well, I always wanted roast chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, and corn! It's random I know, but OH so delicious! So there, now you know :) I also have a mad love for steamed broccoli and cheese sauce!
I finished my coffee, sitting quietly alone in a room full of strangers, still bothered by this mornings news but I was now also thinking about the kindness that can be found in people. So, with a knot in my tummy from this emotional week and the thoughts of kind things people have been doing and saying to me this past week, I decided to go to Chapters. Again, random, I know! Let me explain. I freakin' LOVE Chapters! FOR REAL! I don't read all that often (although I always have good intentions to) but I just find it so relaxing to go there and get a starbucks and wander around and look at books. It eases the knot in my tummy and helps me forget the world for a bit. I will often find a good deal on a mystery novel for my mom and more often than not I will get suckered in by the cute knick knacks near the tills. I find just the act of being there SO relaxing. I could walk around there for an hour sipping away on my latte and picking up random books! Hey, whatever works! Today I did go with a purpose though. I had read a book when we were in Hawaii called "What dying people want". I highly recommend it to anyone who has someone close to them experiencing a terminal illness. If you are connected with Hospice here in Nanaimo, it is available in their library. WELL, I had watched the movie 50 / 50 the other night. It was a struggle to get through, I cried a lot but was inspired by it and encouraged and would highly recommend that also. Bringing me to my Chapters purpose, there was a book showcased in the movie called "Facing Cancer Together". You never really know if books shown in movies are real or not SO I googled it! (Side bar...did you ever think that "google"would become a verb? Did the inventors of Google ever think that? Just like "I'll facebook you", also a verb....WEIRD!) Sure enough, it is a real book! I mentioned it during a counselling session and my counsellor almost fell over saying, "I had written down to share this book with you today, here look at my notes." I had avoided looking for it for a bit but finally decided today to go check this book out. Well, Chapters doesn't have it in stock BUT I did order it. HOWEVER, sipping on my latte and wandering about I found something, quite possibly, better..."Help me live"! It's about what people with cancer want US to know!
Hmmm....was it fate? It was the only copy of this book in the store, hidden on a book shelf where it shouldn't have been and I just so happened to find it? On today of all days when I'm bugged, emotional and have a knot the size of a small animal in my tummy? Yup, that sounds like fate to me! I sat on the floor in the cookbook isle and began reading it and then I bought it! What it has to say seems like pure common sense but it doesn't come naturally...not to me anyways. I have found myself so wrapped up in things that symbolize or remind me of the fact that my mom is going to die instead of being wrapped up in helping her live! I love my mom and I try to do all the "right" things and in doing so I sometimes do the "wrong" ones. (ANOTHER side bar...I also bought the Betty Crocker living with Cancer cookbook...f*** you Cancer...we are going to eat you away!!)
Sometimes we need to gain a different perspective to see the things that are "common sense". Sometimes the nudge to gain that perspective comes from an unlikely place or a horrific event. If I wasn't so bugged today by the sad news this morning or experienced the kindness of a friend, maybe I never would have ended up at Chapters today for my "feel good" wander and latte. Then I never would have found my different perspective. Whatever the case may be, once you find perspective, be sure to look at the situation objectively, act upon it and in a way you are proud of, take nothing for granted, and LOVE HARD!
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